Mistress Misfit
by myTme
Summary: Sesshomaru learns that money and accolades are not the only things needed to make him a good man.  Warning: Mild cussing.
1. Chapter 1

**Mistress Misfit **

Author's Note: Kagome and Sesshomaru (and all the Inuyasha gang, for that matter) are owned by _Viz Media _and _Sunrise_; and were created by Rumiko Takahashi. This story was inspired by _King Grisly Beard_ originally written by The Brothers Grimm.

I need to send a quick 'Vielen Dank!' to Zoraya Windwalker, who took time out of her crazy schedule to look over this piece. Thanks a billion, my friend, and thanks to you for reading this.

And now...  
>Once upon a time, Sesshomaru was <strong>really <strong>nasty at a party.

The aged demon paced his small office. Clawed hands clasped behind his back. His subtly pinstriped jacket draped over his desk chair. He paused to glare at a family picture on the elegant, glass and chrome shelves that lined the wall. Every space of it filled with a memento, award or knickknack commemorating his fifty plus years of business experience. Face twisted in deep thought he studied his two boys both glowering through the photo. His youngest was dirty, having escaped the photographer's to go play in a park across the street. The eldest was spotless as always. His cool honeyed gaze conveying his extreme displeasure at having to pose for, as he had put it, "A fruitless endeavor to make our family appear well adjusted in a pathetic attempt to please your clientele." With a shake of his head, the demon dropped the image back on its designated spot and resumed his march.

Frustrated, he muttered softly, "What am I going to do with those boys? Especially Sesshomaru?" He took another loop from one end of the room to the other. Sigh. "He is a snob. Selfish and refuses to show even a crumb of civility when brought to meet prospective marriage partners." He twisted on his heel and stomped back towards the shelves. "Kid's a brilliant competitor," his shoulders sagged as he picked the family portrait up again, "I can't deny he has a warrior's instinct but his heart is cold and he lacks even a modicum of social sensibilities." The frame clicked back against the glass shelf, "How am I going to get that ill mannered pup wed?" He fussed with his tie, loosening the knot and springing the top button of his dress shirt. "I want to retire!" Whimper, "Maybe spoil a grand kid or two."

"Pops!" The office door smashed open, "Hey..." Inuyasha stilled, ears twitching as he took in his father's troubled expression.

"Uh..." he remained mired at the threshold, "Er..."

"Come in." Pops settled at his desk, "What has your brother done now?"

"That's not it." Inuyasha rubbed his neck, opting to remain suspiciously out of reach, "I uh..." he scratched his nose, eyes dropping to the front of the large oaken desk, "Well, you see I wanted to..."

"Kikyo will not marry you until your brother finds a wife." Pops groaned, "Believe me, I would love to see you two happily starting your own family but that woman you've selected is..."

"But I got to marry her now!" Inuyasha rammed his hands into his jacket pockets, the coat stretching as he straightened his arms. "I just have to."

Blink. "Why?" He studied his youngest closely, "Have you pupped her?"

"Eh..." Inuyasha's sudden and intense focus on the office lavatory door said everything.

"Well," weary head shake, "It isn't like your mother and I didn't see it coming." He flopped tiredly back into his chair, "However, I doubt this new predicament will change her mind."

"Nah." Inuyasha blushed, "She's considering it now but she's uncomfortable because... well... you know Mom wants us to live at the house."

"Hm." Pops blinked, surprised with the news and secretly thrilled. Wanting to speed his way to the retirement he dreamed of babysitting a fat and happy grandchild, he asked without thinking, "Why won't she live with us?" Realizing the answer he muttered the same time as Inuyasha, "Sesshomaru."

Inuyasha added with a venomous snarl, "He's a royal dick when she's around." He finally locked eyes with his old man, "Can't ya just make him start a new office somewhere like Hellhole, Idaho or something?"

"No." Groan, "Sadly, he's needed here."

"Ah come on! Then just send him away for a bit. Like..." frown, "like on a forced vacation or something."

Chuckle, "I will find some way to deal with your brother." Pops drummed his nails on the desk, swiveling his chair to glare out the window and began muttering, "He has flatly refused to attend any introductory meetings with potential wives, ruthlessly dismisses women like they were bit of crud on his shoe; especially if your mother or I attempt to play matchmaker on the sly, and takes great pleasure in squashing any girl's hope of becoming anything but a whipping post for that sadistic bonehead." Snarl, "How I helped sire such a romantically inept child is beyond me." Grumble, "I **never **had trouble with the ladies."

"Eh..." Inuyasha inched for the door, not interested in hearing how his father had been the Casanova of his age. "Uh..." chuff, "Yeah, that Sesshomaru's a real douche. D-O-O-S-H."

The phone on Pops' desk chirped, glancing at the number he released a weary breath, "We will discuss my upcoming grandchild later," he paused, "And your poor spelling, Inuyasha." Then shooed the hanyou away, "Right now, I've other things to deal with."

Pops smiled broadly from his seat as he watched those in attendance flit and flutter about the room. Slowly, he sipped from his champagne enthralled by the lovely dresses in various shades and styles.

"This turned out better than I planned!" His wife, Izayoi, chirped happily from her seat beside him. "Oh!" She waved at a young girl across the space, "Isn't Miss Rin just a breath of fresh air?"

Pops nodded and chuckled. The young woman was stunning in her vibrant dress of cream and orange.

Izayoi cooed, "She makes me think of an ice cream dessert."

"Look." He gestured with his glass to a beauty at one of the distant tables. Her dark hair was clipped back in an extravagant twist held in place by a lovely, fluttery ostrich plume. Expression cool, eyes glittering as she scanned the space. Her dark maroon dress with splashes of muted yellows and purples framing her figure in a becoming way. There was no question, she was a fierce breeze of femininity. She ignored the bubbling drink growing flat in front of her. If it weren't for the repetitious movement of her ivory fan slipping across her palm in an absent and stress driven beat one would assume she felt perfectly at home.

Pops snickered, "Even Miss Kagura decided to attend."

Izayoi sighed, "So she did." Nodding she giggled, "Look! There's Lady Kaede!" She squeezed his hand, "This was a wonderful idea." Her hold tightened, eyes widening, "Oh my!"

Pops followed her gaze and grinned, Sesshomaru had slunk in and taken residence against the wall nearest an exit. "I get the feeling," he waved the headwaiter towards him, "That my boy is not interested in the festivities."

Sesshomaru scanned the milling guests while mentally cataloging his to-do list. His lip curled when a timorous waiter offered him a flute. Alcohol would not make this evening more comfortable and as soon as the hullabaloo was over, he would return to the solitude of his office and finish the plans his step-mother had disturbed when she barged in with a tux in hand, his father in tow and a scad of servants bringing up the rear. He checked his nails then glared out at the mess of overly lacquered, heavily polished women. The room was abuzz with idle pleasantries, clinking glasses and pointless chatter. Subtly his eyebrows began to lower. Most the guests were female, young and unmarried. His crabby glare shifted to Inuyasha. The fool was carefully guarding his stoic wife to be, as though she were the bell of the ball. With a sniff, Sesshomaru watched the fool try to chase off any who glanced Kikyo's way, including the waiters.

"Idiot."

Suddenly, the hanyou stiffened. Some latent sixth sense honing in on the faintly breathed insult. Slowly he turned towards Sesshomaru, lip curled in a feral indication he was not to be trifled with. The aggressive stance twisted suddenly into shock when his golden eyes locked on those of his brother's, his hand snapping out to tug Kikyo behind him.

Confused, Sesshomaru released a faint snort and watched as Inuyasha continued to puff and prance about. His lipped twitched when he realized his brother had misinterpreted his studious watch as lust rather than the bemused glare it had been. Shifting his focus away from the easily flustered boy Sesshomaru mentally sniped, _Your pregnant, porcelain bride holds no charms for me, little brother. _The amusement quickly faded though when another, more unsettling thought elbowed its way to the fore, _The fool has never acted as though I were a threat to his romantic conquest before, why is he troubled now? _Golden eyes slit as he lazily scanned the guests. _Hm..._ Worry and a good dose of instinct quickly had him analyzing the situation with a high powered microscope. Spine straightening, he took better stock of the women surrounding him. Some of the faces he recognized. Some of the girls he had seen just a few days ago or on surprise lunches with his father and step-mother. He grit his teeth when his scan brought his attention to a haphazard mess of a girl slinking along the edges of the throng.

_Does she not know the meaning of a dress code?_

The clink of a knife against fine crystal forced him to look away from the out of place girl and created a tense hush across the room. All eyes shifted to the raised podium at the far end of the hall. Sesshomaru's father stood behind the dais, beaming with his glass held high. "Good evening." He grinned into the crowd, "The time has come," chuckle, "Would all the available ladies please line up," he gestured to his right, "over here?"

A faint murmur filled the air as women took their posts, shoulder to shoulder, along the indicated space.

Pops smiled, "Thank you ladies," he swiveled his gaze to Sesshomaru, "Now if you don't mind," the congenial expression he shared with his rapt audience took on an air of cruelty, "Son," his eyes twinkled, "Please see if any of these lovely women catch your fancy."

Exceedingly displeased over the trickery, Sesshomaru crisply replied, "Surely, Father, you can pick your next bed partner without my intervention." His eyebrow lifted, focus swiveling subtly to his sire's current spouse, "My opinion in such trivialities has not mattered in the past." His lip twitched, pleasure evident over the startled conversation his comment had ignited in the crowd.

"No," The aged demon responded easily, "I am more than happy with Izayoi." His tone hinted of wicked intentions, "These ladies have come to attain your favor."

"I do not bandy my favors about." He curled his fingers to study his cuticles before flicking his eyes over the line of suitors, "And if I did they would not be given to a woman only concerned with money or status."

Pops fingered his glass and muttered, "What makes you say that?"

Sesshomaru's lip curled, "Why else would they be here? This is the fifth year I was voted most desirable bachelor," He ignored Inuyasha's nasty scoff, "And our profits are easily discernible." A long finger pointed towards one of the windows, "All one has to do is look outside." He glided easily through the crowd, "Furthermore, several of these so called prime candidates have already been dismissed." He pointed to the young girl in orange, "This chit is but a child." Sneer, "I am neither a pedophile nor do I wish to be burdened by a wench barely out of school with the mentality of a toddler." He shifted his focus to an aged woman, "Nor will I bed one who is better suited to the role of a witch in a child's fairytale."

Kaede simply nodded, a sigh of relief whooshing free when he sauntered by. Silent thanks muttered to no one in particular that the young demon had kept his Quasimodo comments to himself this meeting.

Gold landed on a trim, toned woman dressed in a simple gown that, by her uncomfortable posture and constant tugging of the hem, did not suit her. "This one is far too muscular for my tastes." Sniff, "More appropriate at the gym than in a dress." He canted his head, "Besides," he shifted his weight, "why would I waste my time with a lesbian who still believes she is heterosexual?"

Pops groaned, head jerking back to drain his drink. Rummaging in his coat, he retrieved a flask and refilled the glass to repeat the process twice more.

His gaze drifted to Kikyo, "Why is **this **here?" He glanced at his brother, "I will not toy with Inuyasha's cast-offs." Sneer, "Especially when it is already pupped." He tipped towards the infuriated woman, "I will not save you from rearing a bastard, wench." Before she could respond he flicked his attention onto the next woman. Her nerves apparent as she hid behind her fluttering fan, "Why would I trouble myself with a woman who has entered her barren season early?"

Pops interjected, "What?"

"Are not hot flashes common in women who are either with child," he shot Kikyo another glance then eyed the next woman dressed in a long, maroon dress. Her hair twisted up in an elaborate knot. Teeth appeared as he peeked at Kaede then back, "Or finishing her reproductive cycle?"

Kagura hissed a low, malicious curse. Her jewel red eyes narrowing in pure hatred.

Unfazed, he forced his attention onto a dark haired woman. Her bangs famed her face and her pristine bob was absolute perfection- not a hair out of place. She wore a tight fitting, black cocktail dress. Though the plunging neckline gave one easy access to view her supple breasts, there was something about her that gave Sesshomaru pause. "Not even Inuyasha would waste time on a harlot beautician who reeks of cheap product and filthy clients."

Yura gasped and clenched her fists, spitting, "Your hair isn't **that **great."

"Hn." Golden eyes narrowed, "You will never know, will you?"

Pops refilled his glass with the flask as the horror continued. Instead of taking the banquet as a chance to mingle, Sesshomaru took great pleasure and care precisely pointing out every flaw or minor oddity each and every girl had. One was too catty, another far too pale. This one was too vain. That one too fat. Each and every victim receiving a moment of his time and a lifetime's worth of therapy fodder. Some of the girls ran off in tears, a few just gaped, and a small percentage clearly took the verbal assault in order to plan Sesshomaru's untimely and gruesome demise.

Girl after girl was viciously picked apart, but none of the potential candidates snagged his attention more than Kagome.

Only she earned his complete, unrestrained spleen. She had arrived late and opted to mill about the edges of the crowds rather than mix and mingle. When Pops had announced it was time for all the single women to line up, she had tried to sneak away only to be forcefully dragged back by the family priest, Miroku. It was clear she had come straight from rough day at work. Her hair dangling pathetically in poor resemblance to the crisp bun her day had started with. The business skirt and silk blouse that had given her an air of competence and style before lunch now clung to her body in a wrinkled, disheveled mess. One of the heels on her shoe had broken, which obviously caused her to trip and fall, due to the tattered mess of her pantyhose. Trying to clean up on the run, she had lipstick on her teeth, smeared eye makeup and was missing an earring.

Eyes narrowed, lip curled, Sesshomaru turned away from her and calmly drawled, "I have no idea what your game is but I would no sooner succumb to the nonexistent wiles of **this** misplaced specimen than I would willingly suffer a night with," he glanced at Kaede, "The hag," shifted his glare to Rin, "A bubble head," Sango, "A shim," Kikyo, "Used goods," Kagura, "Menopausal ," Yura, "Obsessed psychotic. And..." Golden eyes glittered. He had now made his way back to Kagome, "Hn. Or a dullard."

She blushed under the young man's scornful glare and nervously used a chipped nail to tuck a frizzled chunk of hair behind her ear.

"Surely, your age has muddied your concept of beauty, Father!" He pointed at Kagome, "What is this?" He turned from her to jeer, "Have you become so desperate to see that Inuyasha's wed before his mutt is birthed that you are now pulling desperate, lowly office workers off the street?" He folded his arms, "She doesn't belong here. This mess does not even belong behind the counter of a fast food restaurant."

Pops coughed, "Miss Higurashi is one of the most sought after young ladies in the country."

He scornfully scanned the woman, "I, Sesshomaru, can assure you, Father, I have zero interest in such a klutzy, haphazard mess." He scoffed, full focus on Kagome, "What happened to you, Miss Misfortune?" He canted his head, "Did your Pathetic Prince Charming fail to see your good points?"

"I have no idea what you mean," teeth grit, she hissed, "Sir."

"Not only is she socially misplaced, poorly dressed and misinformed she is also unable to comprehend the situation." Eyes narrowed, "She is the Lady of Lame." He pointed to her broken heel. "The Priestess of Plain." With relish he waved his had towards the well dressed women ahead of her in the line. "You Mistress Misfit belong at a second hand shop." Chuckle, "Not here."

Kagome held her tongue but that did not stop a single tear from escaping. She sniffed. Hands balled into angry fists.

Sesshomaru continued, "What made you think you could even stand a chance when these **more** suitable candidates have been so readily rejected?" He stepped closer, "Did you really think you would garner my attention and win my heart," tone frigid, he added, "Milady?"

"No." Teeth clenched, she hissed a faint, "You cannot win what isn't there, My lord."

"Hn." Sniff, "So you're not deaf, just misplaced." He waved his hand and marched from the hall, "Go see to your paltry empire, Milady, I've more important things than to waste my time with you."

Infuriated, Pops watched as his eldest strolled from the premises. "That insufferable..."

Izayoi patted his hand and urged the waiters to pass around some drinks. "There. There."

Kagome kept her head down, hands shaking as she fought to hold her temper in line. So busy trying to escape the ballroom, she did not see Kaede. The aged candidate gently snagged her elbow, and tenderly rubbed her back. "Do not let that arrogant whelp get to you, child." She smiled warmly at the girl, "You know it was all bluster and smoke."

"Thanks." She rubbed her neck, scanning the dispersing crowd for the cause of her humiliation.

Chuckle, "Ah... after spreading his goodwill, Sesshomaru has gone. Though I have a feeling his sudden exit may have been a poor decision." Kaede watched as Inuyasha, Miroku and Pops talked animatedly on the podium. "Come. Let's sit and see what is to befall the bratty boy."

"Yes!" Rin chirped, snagging Kagome's other elbow, "Come sit with me and Sango."

As Kagome settled she glanced at her feet and winced, "Heh. Guess I really do look like I was run over by a bus, huh?"

Sango frowned, "You just look like you had one hell of a rough day." Her eyes narrowed, "Even if you'd come in sweats, Sesshomaru had no right to be a pompous jerk about it." She shot Miroku's spine a withering glare, "Some of us came as a favor."

"Well," giggle, "I am inappropriately dressed and he was actually pretty nasty to all of you."

"Hmph." Sango crossed her arms, nose lifting, "Still, he seemed to take immense pleasure in belittling you."

Rin blithely chirruped, "Don't worry about what that crabby Sesshomaru said." Giggle, "I heard Kagura say she thinks he just needs his pipes blown out."

Kagome gasped, "Rin!"

Blink. "What?"

Kaede chuckled, "I believe he's a bit backed up as well."

"Both of you!"

At the front of the room, the hosts had fallen into a deep discussion. Inuyasha snarled, "What the hell? This whole evening's turned into a colossal fuck-up." He flapped his hand in frustration, "All that money and work just to watch that bastard make fun of the guests." Growl, "He even took a shot at Kikyo!" He tipped over the table, "She shouldn't have even been on the menu!"

Miroku stubbornly stepped forward. "This has to stop. He was insufferably rude, and some of the women here came only as personal favors." He rubbed his neck, a sudden itch at the base of his skull warning him that Sango was watching. "Sesshomaru is completely oblivious." He frowned, "Not only is he ungracious and refuses to understand the plight of his underlings but he is cruel as well."

"He made fun of my future wife!"

Groan, "That too." Miroku pinched the bridge of his nose, "Sesshomaru is never going to find a girl good enough to marry because he doesn't think any of them are to his caliber."

Pops glanced at the table of girls consoling Kagome, "He was rather nasty to the Higurashi girl wasn't he?"

"Well," Miroku chuckled and peeked at his disheveled friend, "She has had better days."

"Hn."

Inuyasha snarled, "He made fun of my Kikyo!"

"Noted." Pops spat. Eyes narrowed he glared out at the few milling guests still in shock. "Fine." He stood, tugging his jacket smooth. It was clear by the aged demon's spastic movement he was still furious. "I've decided." His knuckles popped as he set his mind, "It can't be helped." Expression determined he snarled, "Sesshomaru will marry the first woman to walk into his office tomorrow."

Inuyasha staggered back, "What?"

Miroku rubbed his left hand and grinned, "Interesting."

From the audience, Kagome simply blinked.

Pops nodded, "First unmarried, of age woman to enter Sesshomaru's office will become his bride."


	2. Chapter 2

****Chapter 2: Impromptu 'I Do'****

Author's Note: _Viz Media _and _Sunrise _own Inuyasha. The characters were created by Rumiko Takahashi. Thanks for reading!

And now...  
>A new conceptualization of the 'shotgun' wedding!<p>

Pops slapped his intercom on the second buzz, "Yes?"

"Sir?" The secretary's nasally voice grated through the static line.

Sigh, "Yes?"

"There is a girl downstairs." The woman paused, "Security says she's delivering coffee and snacks for your meeting at two."

"Ah..." he chuckled, "Send her up, please."

Moments later a young woman adjusted her packages nervously and watched the elevator dial slowly rise. Coughing softly, she glanced at the other riders noting their well pressed suits and fine leather shoes. She winced, scratching the back of her calf with the toe of her battered and well used trainers. A man nearby hummed, "That coffee sure smells good." He peeked at her, "You brew it yourself?"

"No." She shifted, "I'm just running errands to help out the shop."

"Hm." He nodded, absently caressing his left hand. "Well, regardless, I can't wait to get some." At the soft ding, he winked and meandered away.

Shuffling into the office, the girl nudged her smudged glasses up her nose and looked around. Blue eyes landed on the hunkered secretary. "Um..." stepping closer, she cleared her throat, "Er... delivery?"

A door behind her bashed open. "Oy!" Inuyasha charged the stunned woman and snagged an elbow. With a rough jerk he growled, "This way."

The girl blushed and scurried after, unable to do much else with her hands full. "Uh..." she blinked up at him, "Where would you like me to put this, Sir?"

Inuyasha opened the door, moved his hand to her shoulder, "In here." And stuffed her inside with a rough push.

Lurching into the office, she caught herself before she lost her parcels or crashed into one of the plush chairs that sat opposite an impressive desk. The demon on the other side blinked at her, the phone cradled against his shoulder slowly dropping away.  
>"Uh huh..." She began to backpedal, "Sorry, I was told to leave these," the bags rattled and the coffee sloshed as she lifted them, "here."<p>

Again, the handsome demon blinked, his eyes flicking to the doorway. "Father?" Sesshomaru stood. "Inuyasha? What..."  
>The young woman spun around to find the man who'd given her the wrong directions was casually propped against the door frame, an older demon with similar features grinning madly over his shoulder.<p>

Sesshomaru pointed at the delivery girl, "Both of you are well aware this is not the staff lounge or the conference room," scowling his voice dropped, "is there a reason why would you..."

Inuyasha chortled, "Dumb ass," and sauntered away.

Pops ignored Sesshomaru's growl and turned to the girl, "Excuse me," he shifted to and fro, trying to peek at her name tag, "Uh... Kagome," wincing he opened his wallet and showed her its lean contents, "I'm out of change so," a wicked grin began to overwhelm his features, "instead of a tip, how would you like a husband?"

The delivery girl's jaw unhinged as she tried to process what she'd been offered. After an uncomfortable pause, her forehead crunched in absolute confusion. She tried to shake off the surprise but was only able to grunt a faint, "Huh?"

"What?" Sesshomaru was over his desk and chasing his father out into the waiting area. "You must be joking."

"No." Pops sniggered and glanced at the stunned woman, "What do you say, Miss? Would you like a handsome husband in exchange for your hard work today?"

The girl swiveled her startled gaze to the stone faced demon behind her. "Um..." Her bottom lip slipped between her teeth, eyes narrowing as she studied her prize. Shrug, "Sure." Grinning, she spun back towards Pops, "Why not."

"WHAT?" Unable to keep his cool Sesshomaru elbowed the troublesome woman out of his way and gripped his father's shoulders, "Have you had a stroke? I am not a pet! You cannot..."

Pops jovially peeled Sesshomaru's hands off and chuckled, "I can." The mirth melted when the older demon snarled, "And you will."

"But I do not even know her! Surely you will not..."

Pops gestured towards the delivery girl, "Kagome." His hand swiveled to his son, "Sesshomaru." Gold locked with gold, "Sesshomaru," his head turned to the woman, "Kagome." Friendly introductions out of the way, he glowered at his pup, "Happy?" Teeth glinted when he added, "You've no choice in the matter." His sunny gaze chilled, "So stop with the snipping and snarling or I'll get the rolled up newspaper."

Sesshomaru's teeth clicked home. To save face, he spun around and carefully studied the woman he was to marry. She wore a simple pair of cropped pants and well worn T-shirt. A threadbare jacket kept her warm. Used to seeing women with their hair perfectly placed, he was aghast to find the girl before him hid hers below a ratty cap and pigtails. She jostled her weight as he eyed her, the back of her hand nudging her bent and smudged glasses back in place. He stepped closer, certain he'd caught a bit of tape holding the nose piece in together.

She tipped her head back, blue eyes sparkling through the fingerprint fog from below the frayed brim, "Well," giggle, "This is a bit of a shock."

Sesshomaru just grunted, gaze flicking to Miroku scurrying closer.

Pops waved his hand and barked, "Alright, get 'em hitched."

Coughing softly, the young priest glanced at the unaffected woman than the livid demon and opted to skip the formalities. "By the powers invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife." He thrust the wedding certificate in their faces. Pops tapped his toe with impatience as he waited for Sesshomaru to sign. No sooner had pen left paper than it was whisked away and the pair herded out the door.  
>On the sidewalk, Sesshomaru prepared to protest, "But I have a contract to finish and..."<p>

"Your brother can handle it."

"There is that matter with..."

"Just worry about your honeymoon." Pops reached out and jerked Sesshomaru's ID badge and access card free from his lapel. Eyes twinkling, he added, "I've taken the liberty of freezing your accounts and changing the locks to everything." He flippantly waved the stolen cards, "Enjoy your new life."

Sesshomaru blinked, preparing to call his step-mother and force the woman to make his father see common sense. He snarled when he realized his phone had been left in his office.

"Um..." Kagome coughed softly, "Uh... we'd best get going."

He stiffened. "Where?"

Giggle, "Home, silly."

Blink, "You are seriously going through with this farce?"

She blinked up at him, "Sure." Smile, "We're now husband and wife." Head tilt, "We belong to each other and I don't think you'll be able to get into your home, office or car without your wallet, keys and phone."  
>Sesshomaru snarled.<p>

Kagome continued, "You've no money or identification either so it's come with me or suffer in the streets."

He eyed a man dashing by, cell phone smashed to his ear.

Reading the contemplative glare as Sesshomaru watched the frazzled fellow, Kagome purred, "If you had a phone, would you know the number to call for help?" Wink, "This isn't something 9-1-1 can deal with you know."

He prepared to retort, realized she was right. He hissed, furious he had relied solely on the phone book in his mobile phone, "Hn." He turned back to the monolithic office building, "Father will refuse my call should I try the office and the home phone is unlisted."  
>Giggle, "So you're stuck with me." She took a few steps towards the street, "Come on."<p>

Unable to argue with her logic, he followed her towards a rusted mess of a truck parked nearby. He waited impatiently for her to coerce her lock open, crawl inside and reach across the bench seat to let him in. Smoothly, he slid into the cab, frown growing when the slam of his door sent a rain of dust and debris fluttering down from the tattered lining above his head. Refusing to look at what he was certain resembled a grease rag, Sesshomaru locked his eyes on the pocked hood. Memories of Inuyasha's childhood experiments with Swiss cheese fluttering through his head.

"Does this vehicle run?"

"Usually." She wrinkled her nose and twisted the key. The engine turned over and sputtered to life. Kagome grunted as she slipped it into gear and sent the rattling mess of metal and bailing wire clattering into the street. She fretted with the radio for a moment, giving up when all that came through was static and a station bemoaning the evils of a two party government. Humming softly she occasionally glanced at him then back to the road. Silence, barring the uneven rumble of the asthmatic engine, soon filled the cab with a suffocating atmosphere. Wanting to distract himself from the empty soda cans, wrappers and odd assortment of miscellaneous particulate that kept skittering across his feet, Sesshomaru opted to glare at the sights inching across the window.

Soon, they neared a trendy little cafe. People already milling in clumps about the front. Pointing through the grimy window, he muttered,

"Who owns that?"

"Why Mistress Misfit." Kagome cheekily added, "That's actually the smallest of three."

"Really?" He continued to stare as they passed the eatery, "Hn. Perhaps I misjudged the wench and caught her on an off day."

"What?" She glanced at him from the corner of her eye.

"The woman appears more capable than I first gave her credit." He turned to catch one last peek of the trendy place, "I should have wed her instead."

Kagome hissed, "Seriously?" Her grip on the steering wheel tightening, "Talking about another girl in front of your wife is just rude."

"Hn." He fell silent, resuming his watch of the new neighborhood and trying to ignore the dust dirtying his clothes and the trash scuffing his shoes.

Soon they neared a posh gated community. The homes were impressive, styled in a number of ways with lush plants and beautiful gardens interspersed throughout. Sesshomaru eyed the golf course longingly and muttered, "Who owns this?"

Kagome chuckled, "Why Mistress Misfit and her family."

"Really?" He eyed the sign announcing the place as Sunset Village and muttered, "I believe I may have misjudged her." He glanced back, just catching the sight of a luxury sedan slipping up to the gate, "She appears more than capable of holding her own." He turned away, "If only I had married her."

Kagome snarled, "Longing for another before your new wife is no way to gain favors, you know."

"Hn." He fell silent. Again opting to watch the world creep by rather than take stock of the spring digging into his back, the strange rattle that had begun near his left foot or the odd smell of decay, used oil and WD40.

Suburbs melted into strip malls which grew into office buildings. Rising up in the center of the sprawling metropolis stood a lovely tower of metal and glass. Its windows sparkled in the setting sun like jewels. Well polished and happy employees exited through the main door held open by a smartly dressed doorman. They would chatter their, "Good evenings," with brilliant smiles and step onto the sidewalk with an air of satisfaction and accomplishment.

Pointing, Sesshomaru muttered, "Who owns this?"

"Why Mistress Misfit, of course."

"Hn." Golden eyes caught sight of a young man. He scurried towards a line of waiting taxis, cell phone to his ear. Sesshomaru glanced over his shoulder, watching as another employee dashed towards an idling car. "It seems I have greatly misjudged the woman." He turned away from the industrial gem, "The girl is more than I ever expected." He stared across the mottled hood. The city slowly melting away to farmland and rolling hills. Mumble, "She is quite an extraordinary woman." He clenched his fists, "If only I had married her."

"THAT'S IT!" Kagome slammed on the brakes, the truck's wheels locking up and sending them sliding into the highway's shoulder. Cheeks flushed she turned to glare at him, "I will not hear another word about you wishing you had married the girl you let get away!" She swiped at an angry tear, "You married me. We," she pointed at him then back to her chest, "Are husband and wife." Snarling she spun back towards the steering wheel, "It does you no good to wish for what you heartlessly tossed aside." Deep breath, "You're stuck with me, so make the most of it."

"Hn." He blinked slowly, stunned at the delivery girl's temper.

With shaking fingers she adjusted her specs, straightened her spine then willed the truck back into gear and resumed their course down the barren stretch of road. The silence filling the cab this time was charged, fueled by her furious outburst and his inability to understand what he had done to anger her.

It wasn't long before Kagome turned off the highway and onto a barren dirt road. Bouncing past cows and cornfields, the truck chuffed and coughed its way up the winding lane. In the distance, a small shack came into focus. As they neared, Sesshomaru realized that despite the rickety appearance and missing paint, the home was not deserted. Someone had painstakingly grown a garden and a light shown from one of the windows. A few leaves, fluttered from the mostly barren trees.

The truck whined to a slow stop. Its engine spluttering stubbornly before releasing one final breath. Kagome turned, watching silently as Sesshomaru studied his new home. After a time, she pushed her door open and grumbled, "We're here."

He blinked, "Hn." Slipping from the cab to follow her up the wood slat steps and across the creaking porch. "Why have we stopped at this disgusting hovel?"

She paused, hand on the latch.

He turned eying the yard, "It's filthy and dilapidated. What lives here besides field mice and squatters?"  
>Blink. "We do."<p>

He recoiled. "You live here?"

Her head bobbed in a chipper nod. "Sure do." She turned away and thrust open the door, "And so do you." Grin, "Welcome home!"

"But," he glided across the threshold, lip curling at the mismatched furniture within, "Who keeps the place clean?"

"We do."

"There are no servants?" He fought to control his repulsed shiver, "How do you function?"

"Fairly well." Kagome laughed, "What would I pay a servant with?" She patted his arm, "Relax, we'll do fine using our own two hands."

Sesshomaru's lips curled downwards, "You do the manual labor? When do you find the time to contemplate corporate warfare, improve relations with others and..."

"I'm a temp worker, living on what's left of my grandfather's farmland!" She pulled her glasses off, cleaning them absently on the hem of her shirt, "If I want it, I must earn it." Truly shocked she showed him her poorly repaired frames, "Look at these." She twisted the glasses so he could see the discolored spots from glue, a chunk of tape holding them together, "I can't even afford new ones and you expect me to be able to contemplate anything more than how to earn enough money to keep myself warm and fed?"

He blinked, wanting to change the subject he muttered, "Where is supper?"

"We have to make it." Shaking her head, she tugged off her baseball cap and sauntered towards the small kitchen. "Come on. You can help."

Sesshomaru stared blankly at the girl as she flitted here and there about the tiny kitchen. When asked to go pick a few ripe vegetables from the flower garden, he returned, roots and all. Kagome tried to be nice, smiling sweetly and immediately asking him to wash the leaves. He complied, filling the sink with hot water and a generous serving of soap. Unaware what he was doing, Kagome resumed her cooking only to be disrupted by a displeased sniff.

"Is this lettuce different because you are poor?"

She sniggered, "No. Its mescalin, a mixture of greens but it's the same..." curious what would make him say such a thing she turned to find him holding a wilted piece of slimy lettuce from his body. "What did you do?" She dashed towards the sink, staring in horror at the limp, mucous like clumps of greenery bobbing about on the still steaming water. "Sesshomaru!" Hissing, she pulled the plug and snarled, "Did you put soap in here too?"

Blink, "How else would I clean it?"

"You rinse it in clean, cold water, Stupid!"

He gasped, clearly repulsed by the idea, "Then how do you decontaminate it?" He pointed at the window, "Those vegetables out there are filthy."

"Huh?"

He began to repeat his previous assertion the foodstuffs were too dirty.

She silenced him with a brisk shake of her head, "Look," she flapped the wooden spoon towards the bread box. "Slice some bread for me."

"Hn." He snagged a knife and began while Kagome resumed fretting over the stew. So absorbed in her cooking, she forgot Sesshomaru was there. Enjoying herself completely as she seasoned the broth and went about simmering the meat. Suddenly, his low voice cut into her happy chores, "Did you purchase inferior bread because you are poor?"

"No." She hummed softly, "That's homemade."

"Hn." He was quiet for a moment, "Could you have purchased inferior ingredients then?" He shifted, muttering to himself, "Perhaps it is the knife?"

"What?" Turning, she stared in horror at the pile of mutilated slices. "What did you do?"

Blink. "I sliced the bread, just as you asked."

Her jaw waggled up and down, eyes wide in shock, "With what, a grinder?" She snagged a crumpled remnant of what had once been a healthy, robust loaf. "You would have had better luck tearing it apart with your feet!"

"That is what this paltry piece of cutlery did." He dangled the butcher knife before her. "Rather than slice the bread, it decimated it."

Frown, "My father told of an ancient weapon that could slay a hundred demons. Hm..." He eyed the blade with a smidgen of curious respect, "Did you perchance purchase this at a questionable realtor?"

"Wha..." she shook her head, trying to remove the strange comments. "Why," Kagome took a steadying breath, "Why didn't you use the bread knife?"

He twitched, staring down his nose at her in shock, "There is a specific knife for such a job?"

Groaning, Kagome herded him towards the wall. "Just stand there." He tried to protest, earning a wooden spoon swaying dangerously before his nose. "Do not move." She turned away, "I cannot believe you are incapable of making toast." She shook her head, "Is there nothing you can do on your own?"

He fluffed, determined to defend himself, "I..."

Snarl, "I don't mean inside your office." Sneer, "I'm sure you're very capable when it comes to hostile takeovers and hasty defeats of the competition. What I mean is everyday things like..." she turned to study him sadly, "Like making your own meals or washing your own clothes."

He prepared to respond, "That is what servants are for," but thought better of it. Something in her baring told him that his inability to do such things made him inferior. Rather than sully his name any further, he opted to remain silent watching closely as she went about her work. In time, her temper faded and together they sat down to a paltry spread of soup, slimy lettuce and mangled breadcrumbs.

The next morning, Kagome woke Sesshomaru bright and early insisting they weed the garden before breakfast. Then they strolled to the farmer's market to collect the barest necessities and tromped back. This routine continued until the evening of the seventh day. At the dinner table, Kagome dug out the large pickle jar that held all of her earnings. Lip pinched between her teeth, she turned the glass jug over. The couple watched as a single penny clattered to the tabletop, twisting and turning until it finally stopped. For good measure, Kagome slapped the jar just to prove there was nothing left inside.

"Well," she sighed, "That's that."

Sesshomaru's eyes bounced from coin to girl, "Have you no card to withdraw more money?"

She snorted, "You can't spend what you don't have." Slowly she stood, "Guess we'll just have to find something you're good at, huh?" Her grin grew pained as she muttered, "Lucky me."


	3. Chapter 3

****Ch 3: Trials and Tribulations****

AN: Don't own or earn a thing from Inuyasha. All money goes to Viz Media and Sunrise, and creative kudos belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

Thanks for reading!

And now...

Sesshomaru learns he isn't perfect over and over and...

Sesshomaru's eyes opened long before the time any sane person would dare consider it morning. Glaring at the rafter ceiling, he tried to discern what had woken him. He stiffened when he realized Kagome was not in bed. Slowly, he slid his hand to the spot he had last seen her, noting the pillow had gone cold. Where has she gone? No sooner had the thought crossed his mind then the front door clattered open, feet plodded hastily through the house and Kagome scurried into the room.

"Oh!" She grinned, "Good, you're up." A disintegrating bag was tossed at him before she stepped out of the room. Voice chirping back from the front door, "Get dressed and meet me outside."

He fingered the package numbly, nose crinkling when hints of age and decay wafted from the paper. His eye twitched when upon further inspection he found a wadded collection of second hand clothing. Eyebrows touching, he scanned the room for his suit only to find a bare hanger. Not wanting to wander about naked, he tugged the well worn jeans on and with a dejected snarl jerked a garish T-shirt advertising Märchen Days Spring '03 over his head.

"HURRY!" Kagome's impatient bark sounded from the yard, the clang of tools following.

Barefoot, he shuffled onto the porch to stare stupidly at a pile of tools and strange box that exhaled an odor Sesshomaru could only attach to road work. A noise drew his groggy glare to Kagome trying to manhandle a ladder out of the pickup truck's bed.

Huffing and puffing, she propped it against the house, nudging and jostling it to make sure it was level. Grinning triumphantly, she bumped her glasses back in place and turned towards him. The pleased expression fizzled, "Where're your shoes?"

He blinked.

Realizing he was clueless, she grumbled, "By the door. Hurry and put them on!" Satisfaction and impatience oozed from her in suffocating waves, "Come on!" She growled in a playful whine, "We're wasting daylight."

He glanced at the horizon, the sun just beginning to bleach the clouds. "Hn." Not wanting a lengthy discussion on how he was a useless husband, unable to function before noon, he complied by snagging the battered work boots and settling on the porch step. As he tied his laces, he muttered, "Where are my clothes?"

She blinked, her head canting to the side in confusion. "You're wearing them."

"No." He stood and took the few paces needed to stand beside her, "Where are the clothes I came with?"

"Oh, you mean your suit?" She shrugged, disappearing inside her truck to retrieve a bag, "I traded them for supplies and something more appropriate your new station."

He pinched the edge of his shirt and snarled, "This affront to fashion is not an improvement."

She took her time and carefully regarded him from every angle. Forehead crinkled in thought, she made another analytic loop around him. "They're perfect." She stilled, head tipping back to offer him a victorious smirk. "You're not a business man anymore, Sesshomaru." Her gaze softened as she gently smoothed his battered T. "For yard work and house maintenance isn't this much better than that overpriced suit you came in?"

"House what?"

"Chores, silly." She pointed, "Like the roof. See?" She tugged his arm, pulling him back so he could get an unhindered view of the abused house. "There are some loose and missing shingles." Her finger swiveled to the pile of tools and mysteriously smelly box, "If we don't fix them, come the rain we'll have leaks." Her hand squeezed his gently, "Your tie alone gave me enough money to buy supplies," she pointed, releasing him to stand beside the haphazard pile, "See?"

"You expect me to..."

She nodded, "Yup." Slipping back into the truck, she gripped the steering wheel and tipped towards the windshield. "Hm." Hand to her eyes she glared at the horizon. "We'd best get started soon." Slanting a teasing look his way she added with a playful frown, "No lazing around today." She rummaged about below the seat, slipping back out with a handful of gloves. "Besides, it's time I see what you can really do outside the office." She passed him a pair, "Shouldn't be too hard. I've already bought what we need and it isn't like I haven't done this before." She winked at his slight frown of surprise, "Trust me. It isn't too difficult. All you do is swap the loose shingles with the new, put a nail in and then go to the next." Hands clasped behind her back she purred, "Biggest problem will be not falling off."

He tipped over the collection of tiles. "Hn. I've my doubts."

Her expression drooped as she studied his incredulous scowl, "Come on." Mean wink, "Surely you weren't so pampered that your servants peeled the backing off your stickers and everyone's used a hammer at least once." She moseyed back to her pile of shingles, stopping with a sudden, overly dramatic gasp, "You have hammered a nail into something before, haven't you?"

His jaw tensed.

"Well, let's get started then." She gathered the tools, passing off a notched and angled bar and a hammer. "For now, you just need to use the pry bar to pop the nails out." Her tone and expression more suited for the dullest of children. "Understand?"

Pride bruised, Sesshomaru snagged what she offered and stomped towards the ladder. Kagome giggled when he fussed for a moment, trying to decide how to climb with his hands full.

"Put the gloves on and I'll hand you the tools once you're up on the roof."

He hissed, jamming his fingers into the sturdy gloves.

She smiled, oozing patient condescension, "Go on."

Copying what he had seen her do earlier, he jiggled the ladder and began to climb. A few rungs up, it began to shift and wobble. Deciding to simply move faster, he scurried higher only to find the damn thing was even less stable.

Kagome sighed and grabbed the base, "You really shouldn't be up there if this isn't level, you know."

He glared back, eyes slit to spiteful pricks of gold infused hatred.

She brushed it off with an immunizing coo, "Go on." Watching as he clambered up and onto the roof. She took her time securing the ladder before climbing up a few rungs and passing off his tools and then her own. Unable to stop herself she teased, "You do know what a nail is, right?"

He refused to respond, sulking off to the far end of the roof to keep away from her. Deciding to let him pout, Kagome silently followed and began her work nearby; well aware Sesshomaru was watching her every move. To alleviate some of his confusion, she would quietly explain what she was doing or ask him to 'help her out'. In time, they fell into an effective routine. Sesshomaru pulled the nails and the broken or damaged shingle. Kagome would then replace it with a new one and nail it down.

Time slowly passed. The sun silently rose and the air lost its frigid bite as they worked.

Long after midday, Kagome turned towards him and smiled, "I've a few chores to finish inside. Do you think you can finish on your own?"

"Hn." He worked his fingers, just realizing how stiff they had become.

"Good." She worked her way to the ladder, "Then I'll go get us some lunch." She glanced at the sky, "Eh... Supper."

Sesshomaru watched her go and quickly resumed his job, wanting to prove he was capable. His first shingle replacement went fairly smoothly. He only mashed his thumb a little and bent one of the four nails that held the tile in place. By the third, more troubles began. The shingle's backing tore in a strange place and forced him to remove his gloves to pick the stubborn paper off. Angry over the headache and getting his fingers all black, he took his frustrations out on the nails and mashed his thumb hard enough that little super novas began bursting behind his tightly clenched eyelids. By the fifth shingle he was making mistakes left and right. While prying a broken one free, he tore the two above. Not looking at what he was doing, he ended up getting his glove stuck to the tar backing. Crabby, he went to hit a nail in with one all powerful blow which missed the head and sailed straight into his finger.

Kagome stilled in her chopping when something raspy slid across the roof. Sesshomaru's angry cuss drawing her outside to investigate. Her eyebrow quirked at the mess of unused shingles strewn across the walk. She stepped off the porch, hands on hips to glare up at the hunched demon snarling and muttering above.

Unaware of his audience and cradling his throbbing hand, Sesshomaru duck walked to the next spot that needed repair and silently marveled at how easy Kagome had made the job seem. Moving quickly, he didn't pay attention to his tools. His pry bar slid off the roof just missing his slack jawed wife by a hair's breadth. Angry, she prepared to yell only to notice he was trying to pop the nails with his hammer and doing a wonderful job tearing every shingle within reach.

"Sesshomaru."

He growled, certain his self reproach had taken on her voice for more sting, and tried to focus on the job.

"Sesshomaru!" Kagome scurried up the ladder, "What the hell're you doing?" She clicked her tongue, now able to see the mess up close. "Stop. Now." Nose crinkled she waved him to follow her. "Good grief!" Grumble, "What a useless husband. I leave you alone for five minutes and you nearly tear the roof off."

He glared at her back, ego shattered and his body aching.

"You realize," she continued to lecture as she gathered his strewn supplies, "We've very little income. We can't afford such silly mistakes."

He grit his teeth, damaged finger wrapped tightly in the hem of his shirt.

Sighing she dusted off her hands and moseyed onto the porch, "We're married. That makes us a team." She hissed through her teeth, "Your failures are no longer just your own." She peeked over her shoulder to snipe, "And your daddy isn't going to come along behind you and fix things."

"My father has never remedied my..."

Before he could finish she snapped, "Wash your hands." Crankily, she gestured to a chair, "Sit." Still grumbling over his faults and inability to do any form of construction work, she turned away to rummage through a drawer of miscellaneous odds and ends.

Sesshomaru scowled at the assortment of string, tools and other oddities that clicked to the cupboard. His eyebrows drawing closer together when she knelt before him, a lighter and a paperclip clutched in her hand.

"What are you..."

She wagged her head, "I can't believe I let myself get saddled with such a useless husband." Her eyes twinkled as her mouth twisted in a poor semblance of a frown. "Had I known..." she clicked her tongue and pulled his hand towards her, "Look at these blisters!" More clucking, "Pathetic." She turned his hand, hooking his damaged thumb on the table's edge.

Sesshomaru hissed softly at the discomfort the added pressure caused.

Kagome winced at the shades of blackish red visible through the fingernail. "Mashed it good, didn't you?" She began unwinding the clip, peeking at him through her bangs. Eyes dropping back to her project, she hummed softly, "You're such a troublesome project."

"I am not..." his childish retort died instantly, "What..." he fought the urge to pull back, "What are you..."

The lighter flicked to life. The tip of the paperclip dipping into the flame. Kagome sighed as she twisted the wicked instrument. The metal band crackling softly. "How many times did you miss the nail?"

His teeth clicked closed. "Hn."

Her eyebrow lifted, "Hold still, this is going to be..." wince, "unpleasant."

To his horror she brought the hot office supply towards him, his nail melting away to expose the bruised fleshy bed below. Nerves forced him to release a flustered hiss when she drew the instrument of torture back.

Kagome peeked over her filthy glasses, "Sorry. Did I burn you?"

Unable to talk, he'd bitten his tongue, he shook his head.

"Hm." She pressed it into his thumb again at a different point, "This should relieve some of the pressure."

He swallowed, watching as she pulled away to snag a dishrag. Blood burbled from the newly created drains and the throbbing pain he'd felt slowly waned. She smiled at him and coated the purple digit with antiseptic cream and a bandage. Then took a moment to nurse the numerous blisters, both popped and festering, before clearing her throat and turning away. "Well," she busied herself at the sink, "It's safe to say, I can't leave you to fix the house on your own." Her vegetable chopping resumed, "You can't even swing a hammer without damaging yourself." She shook her head, "I'll have to find you a job."

"What kind..."

"Good question." Frowning, she glared out the window, "Ugh. I'm so unlucky. You are definitely incapable of manual labor." She drummed her fingers on her chin. "You've no references so any type of office work is out of the question." Her eyes narrowed as she earnestly thought, "Hmm... maybe you could be a delivery boy." She glanced at him, eyes twinkling, "You're in pretty good shape. Can you ride a bike and read a map?"

"Hn." He crossed his arms, nose pointing to his poorly executed roof repair. Mumble, "I am more than capable of knocking on a door, handing off a package and leaving."

She smiled, obviously pleased with his spirit, "Alright, then. Tomorrow I'll go into town and get everything set up."

Kagome was gone the next day leaving Sesshomaru to putter about the house alone. He did his best to keep it clean, not wanting to earn another lengthy diatribe bemoaning his failures as a man or, the even more damaging, list cataloging his lack of skills as a competent adult. She returned late that evening with a ratty bicycle, a helmet, and a brilliant smile. Sesshomaru did as told, pedaling into town early the following morning to begin his job as an underpaid courier. The days were long but he earned quite a bit in tips, even when he messed up the orders, because he was handsome and immune to idle chatter.

The couple lived modestly but comfortably on what he brought home.

To his immense pleasure, Kagome was able to buy groceries that weren't marked down and slowly refill the pickle jar. Savings which Kagome used to buy him a better bike. Still second hand, this model had numerous gears, better brakes and a seat that didn't self-adjust. Now that he didn't have to stop every block or so to reset his saddle, Sesshomaru was able to find less torment in his job. Even more rewarding was the sense of accomplishment he felt every time Kagome used some of his paycheck to keep them fed.

The fun could not last though.

The day was lovely. The air carried a faint trace of winter, which made zipping about the city refreshing. The deliveries were slow, allowing Sesshomaru time to enjoy himself rather than worry about a deadline or losing a delivery to someone else. While mulling over what Kagome would make for dinner, he pedaled up to an old brownstone apartment complex. As he did with all his stops, he left his bike in an adjacent alley and scurried to the door. No sooner had he made it to the front stoop then the whir of an engine made his ears prick, the sound of something metallic being dragged sending his stomach plummeting. Panicked, he dropped the package and ran back towards his bike. He jumped out of the way, just avoiding a large SUV that came screeching out of the narrow lane. A girl was at the wheel, bubblegum snapping, cell phone smashed to her ear. She stopped the vehicle when it finally kicked the bicycle free and released an insipid giggle. "Whoopsidaisies." She smiled sweetly at Sesshomaru. Her huge, designer sunglasses hiding most of her face, "I think I hit something."

He prepared to retort, only to realize she wasn't speaking to him but whomever was on her phone.

The girl peeked in her mirrors and popped her gum, "Don't see anything." She backed the behemoth up and over the bike. Her forehead crinkling as the sound of something creaking returned. "I hope it didn't hurt my truck!" She yelped, gunning the thing so it would lurch forward. Her head canted, satisfied the rending sounds had ceased. Obviously mollified and unconcerned, she gave a flippant shrug and chirped, "Must not've been important," before merging into traffic and speeding away.

Sesshomaru could only stare, horrified at the mangled hunk of aluminum and rubber that had once been his livelihood. A young man with messy brown hair gave him a sympathetic look as he passed by, offering his condolences with a shake of his head and a snickered, "Dude, that sucks." Before disappearing down the street. Sesshomaru's customers, having come out to investigate the noise, simply snagged their lunch off the stoop and slipped back into the relative safety of their home.

Unsure what to do and afraid to tell his wife he had failed, again, he mechanically peeled his helmet off and slowly started the lengthy trudge back to their farmhouse. As he shuffled along the highway, oblivious the stray cars and trailer trucks that clattered by, he would cringe. Well aware of what would greet him once Kagome found out. His lip curled, he could picture the entire scenario in minute detail. She would sigh and look troubled. Her expression one of extreme sadness. He was so tired of disappointing her, but out of all the things he seemed to do well since the impromptu wedding, not reaching his potential was his greatest accomplishment.

Night had long fallen, the air too cold for the crickets to chirp. The cows stood huddled and still while Sesshomaru continued his lengthy march on towards his home. Soon the familiar clatter of a truck, bound together by rust and bailing wire came coughing up the road. Its headlights were askew and far too dirty to do much more than attract a curious bug or two. It slowed, to a whining stop beside him. Kagome's head popping out the window.

"What happened? Why're you so late?" She gasped, "Where's your bike?"

Instead of answering, he shuffled to the passenger door and crawled inside letting the familiar scent of dust, oil and WD40 calm him as litter skittered and hopped around his feet and the ever on heater warmed him. Head flopping back against the seat, he glared up at the battered roof lining, "My bicycle was run over by an errant sports utility vehicle."

Kagome jerked, sending the truck bobbling from side-to-side. "WHAT?"

He grit his teeth and told her the whole story. She listened quietly until he had finished, letting him relive the entire debacle. Silence filled the cab, Sesshomaru relieved Kagome hadn't yet spoken and at the same time, troubled. She broke the silence the second she turned off the highway and up the dirt road that led to their home. Sighing sadly, she muttered, "I figured you'd mess up eventually." Peeking at him from the corner of her eye she added, "I mean, common sense tells you not to park your bike in the street."

His gut twisted at the bitter tone in her words. "It was an alley."

She blinked slowly, face void all emotion, "Do cars drive on it?"

"Hn."

Nod, "Then it was a street." She clucked her tongue, expression soft as she studied his harried features. "Well, at least you weren't hurt," timorous smile, "Right?"

He blinked, his chest tightening uncomfortably at her distressed expression.

She gently patted his hand, "Don't let it bother you, it just means the job wasn't a good fit." Wink, "I've a friend that works for a fancy office building, I'll see if I can get you a job there as a doorman."

He swallowed thickly and nodded, unwilling to use his voice for fear it would reveal his true feelings. That night as he lay in bed, listening to Kagome's soft breathing, he swore not to bring misfortune to his wife again. I will make her proud. He peeked at her sleeping face, a calloused finger ghosting her cheek before he rolled over.

"Welcome, Ma'am" Sesshomaru pinched the brim of his hat, head tipping forward to let the pretty, visitor sashay past. He didn't miss her flirty giggle as she slid a rolled bill and her phone number into his pocket or the fact she continued to watch him as he moseyed his way back to his post just outside the door.

"Don't think she'd mind if you'd carried her briefcase up to 'er office on the fifth floor." The hunched, old man beside him winked. His bony elbow roughly jabbing into Sesshomaru's ribs. Feeling picked on he added, "I don't get tips like that." He crossed his arms, nose pointing skyward, "In fact, isn't necessary since we get a wage." He rubbed his chin, "Perhaps it's my looks." Smirking he turned back towards his silent coworker, "Think I need to get one of them new fake tans or something? Maybe some Botox?" He gasped, long spindly fingers combing through his goatee, "Do you flirt with them once you walk 'em inside?"

"Hn." Sesshomaru pulled his hat down a little lower, to make sure most of his face was hidden, straightened his back and glared out into the street. "Mr. Toutosai," he slipped his chilled hands into the deep pockets of his new wool coat, "as I have said before," gold slanted the aged demon's way, "I am married."

Snort. "Yeah. Yeah." Snigger, "I've seen 'er. Your dark haired beauty." He wagged his head, "Wonder where 'n hell she found that ol' clunker?"

"Excuse me?"

He coughed, "It's just a sight, seeing something like that 'round these parts."

"Hn." Sesshomaru's fists clenched, eyes narrowing at string of cars idling at the light.

Toutosai frowned, curious what kept his new coworker on edge. The young demon seemed incapable of relaxing. Always teetering on the sharp side of a sword, especially when visitors from other companies came to meet with one of the Higurashis. Wanting to alleviate some of the young man's stress he hummed softly, "Folks that run this place are damn good people."

Curious, despite himself, Sesshomaru cocked an eyebrow.

Toutosai grinned, "The grandfather's what started this place but it's the two grand kids that have really made it blossom." Fond head shake, "I've seen both of 'em offer a hand to even their lowliest employee. Why when my Momo took ill, it was the young miss that drove me home so I could nurse her." He swiped at a tear, "She even went and collected a vet for me. Can you believe that?"

Sesshomaru blinked. He honestly couldn't. When he had been at his father's offices, he didn't even know his secretary's name, let alone if anyone had any personal problems.

"Now," Toutosai chuckled, "I know that kind of thing ain't normal but those two kids really care about us nobodies." He sniffed softly and dug at his eye. Cough, "I watched 'em grow up."

Sesshomaru nodded, secretly glad he hadn't met the owners yet. Since he had started working at the large office building, the one Kagome had crisply informed him belonged to Mistress Misfit, he'd been unable to let his guard down. Always afraid he would cross the young woman's path and receive the retribution he so readily deserved.

Suddenly, a car rolled to the curb. On autopilot, Sesshomaru stepped towards it and tugged the door open. "Welcome to..." he blinked when two cups of coffee were pressed into his hands.

"Here." The man inside slid out. Gripping his messenger bag, he scurried to the door and stomped his feet.

Silently, Sesshomaru followed.

"Hey there, Mr. Toutosai." The young businessman chirped, "How's that pet cow of yours doing?"

"Oh," smile, "Moody as always and you, Mr. Souta?"

Chuckle, "Fine." He turned back towards Sesshomaru, "You the new guy?"

He blinked and tried to relinquish his hold on the coffees.

Smiling, Mr. Souta refused with a shake of his head. "Nuh-uh," wink, "those're for you guys." Frowning, he ran his hand through his messy brown hair, "It's Sesshomaru, right?"

He tipped his head in the faintest of nods.

"Hm." Souta grinned, "I've heard your doing an awesome job." Chuckle, "Be sure to swing by the cafe after work." He turned to the door, "There are always leftovers and I hate to see 'em go to waste."

Remembering Kagome's insistence he be polite, Sesshomaru mumbled a gruff, "Thank you, Sir."

Souta pointed to the steaming paper cups, "Be sure to drink that." He tugged the door open, "Sis would have a fit if she found out I let you freeze out here." With a friendly wave, he wished them well and disappeared inside.

Toutosai snagged his share of java and took a greedy sip. He sighed happily, cheeks pinking as he began to thaw, "You see, boy." The old porter wheezed as he watched folks scurry by, "Those kids are somethin' else."

Sesshomaru frowned down at his cup, confused. The entire company was 'something else.'


	4. Chapter 4

****Ch. 4: Old Dog, New Tricks****

AN: I don't own the characters of Inuyasha, they belong to Rumiko Takahashi, _Viz Media_ and _Sunrise._

Thanks for reading!  
>And now...<br>Finally, some vows are exchanged (well, sort of.)

Sesshomaru hunkered deeper into his coat and tiredly glared out into the street. The air had gone chill and the sky was a disturbing shade of gray. Mr. Souta had dashed by in a flurry of paperwork, cell phone conversations and stress half a dozen times only to return with odds and ends, always frazzled but strangely happy. When Toutosai asked what all the hullabaloo was about, the young man paused long enough to chirp, "Sis's wedding party is tonight."

Solemnly, Toutosai pulled off his hat. The odd clump of gray hair that sprouted from the center of his bean fluttering stupidly in the faint arctic breeze. "That's wonderful!" He wheezed. "Why she deserves a good man." He glanced at Sesshomaru, "Even if he's a bit rough 'round the edges."

Souta gasped, snagged the gushing demon's arm and yelped, "Can't believe I didn't think of this sooner!"

Both doormen gaped at their suddenly flushed and grinning boss.

Souta added in one breath, "You can watch the table." He stuffed Toutosai through the door and, as though he'd just remembered Sesshomaru was there, poked his head back out, "You're ok on your own, right?"

Nod. "Yes, Sir."

"Good." He chuckled and peeked at his watch, "Gramps will be here soon, please don't let him walk across the sidewalk unaided." Cringe,

"And don't let him bully you either."

"Yes, Sir."

Souta smirked, "Why don't you go snag a coffee from the cafe before things get too hectic." He rubbed his neck, peeking back inside to eye the decorating progress.

Sesshomaru cleared his throat, "I will be fine on my own, Sir." Remembering Kagome's insistence he not forget his P's and Q's, he added, "Thank you for your concern but please go back to what you were doing." He tipped his head, "As I said, I will be fine."

"You're sure?" The young man canted his head, eyes narrowing in earnest study of his employee. Seemingly satisfied with what he saw, Souta nodded and disappeared inside.

Sesshomaru frowned, just able to catch sight of the large conference room across the way. It had been extravagantly decorated in royal reds and purples, splashes of yellow and touches of silver. The faint smell of flowers escaped into the winter wind as the door purred closed. Turning back to keep guard, Sesshomaru's blood chilled. _If the heiress is getting married..._ spine stiffening, he let his eyes scan the street, worry mounting. _That means many of the company's business associates will be in attendance._

No sooner had the thought crossed his mind then a sedan rolled easily up to the curb. Sesshomaru dared the beginning spits of snow to open the door and offer his hand to the passenger inside.

"Humph!" A cane burst from the back seat, followed by a scowling elderly man's head, "I'm not an invalid, boy!"

Sesshomaru stepped out of the old man's way, eyes widening in recognition. It was hard to forget Grandpa Higurashi with his steely gray, slicked back hair and eyes narrowed in crabby condemnation of the world. Gramps' mustache tugged into a frown as his goatee quivered. The Higurashi patriarch burst from the car, jerked the door from Sesshomaru's hold and slammed it shut before he began clattering towards the building.

"Damn this blasted chill!" He huffed, well aware Sesshomaru was right on his heels.

Sesshomaru blinked down at the back of the old man's head. Curious if the cane were for show rather than actual use. Gramps marched to the doormat and roughly bashed his walking-stick against the rubber rug. He turned, frown on high as he regarded the wary demon.  
>"Do I know you?"<p>

Sesshomaru touched his hat and mumbled, "No, Sir. I do not believe we have met." It was only a partial lie. Sesshomaru had been in attendance when Grandpa Higurashi came to meet with his father but they had never spoken.

"Hmph." Aged eyes flicked from demon to door and back, "Well, you look pretty damn familiar if you ask me." He tipped up on his toes, neck craning to get a closer look at Sesshomaru, "You aren't related to a..."

"Gramps!" The office building's door bashed open, a middle-aged woman scurrying out. "You leave the doorman alone and get out of the cold, this instant!" She clucked her tongue, "Really, coming here in just a sweater? What are you trying to do catch pneumonia?"

His bluster popped, Gramps' bullying air spluttered away like a pierced balloon. "Hmph." He grumped by the threatening woman, his sulky comment floating back, "Get that kid something warm to drink and one of the corsages!"

A voice from within blurted, "GRAMPS! Girls wear corsages! Men wear boutonnieres."

"I don't care!" Smash of cane, "Whatever they wear get one on that doorman, NOW!" He fluffed up, "And some coffee." He spun back to glare through the open door and snarled, "Can't have my employees freezing to death or out of uniform."

Sesshomaru stiffened, eyes dropping to his clothes. There was nothing off. He was wearing the wool, camel hued coat they had given him. His slacks were pressed and of the same color. He peeked below his lapel to verify he was wearing a white dress shirt and the assigned red vest.

The woman who had retrieved the crabby old fart giggled, "You're to code, Mr. Sesshomaru."

He twitched, having never met the woman before.

She giggled, "I'm Souta's mother. He and my daughter have told me quite a bit about you."

He swallowed, again remembering to be polite. "I have heard your daughter is getting married," shift, "Congratulations."

"Hm." Mama turned away, accepting something from a person who remained out of sight. She held the item in her hand, smiling fondly before slipping out the door.

"Ma'am..." Sesshomaru began but was immediately silenced when she placed a hand on his chest and easily slid a pin through his coat. Fussing for a moment, she pulled away, leaving a bright yellow rose. He studied the simple bud, a few sprigs of miniscule white and purple flowers framing it. The entire thing held together by a silver wrapping. Glancing back at the woman he tipped his head and muttered a faint, "Thank you, Mrs. Higurashi."

She giggled, "Don't thank me." Then squeezed his arm gently, "My daughter would be very upset if you were left out."

He stiffened at the touch, recalling instantly that the friendly woman before him was the mother of the young woman he had verbally accosted all those months ago. A niggling sense he was being toyed with began to fester. The sleet that drizzled just beyond the awning only emphasizing that belief and the sight of a familiar car rolling easily to the curb cemented it.

Unfurling an umbrella, he stiffly made his way to the car, trying to completely ignore the gawping driver. With practiced ease he tugged the door open and placed the umbrella out and away from himself so the passengers would not get damp. A woman's hand appeared from the dark interior. He accepted it and gently helped his step-mother to her feet with a mumbled, "Welcome, Ma'am."

She smiled at him but made no attempt to show she knew who he was. The car jostled as a man materialized behind her. He wrapped his arm gently around her waist, golden eyes sparkling when they landed on his son.

Sesshomaru offered his father the umbrella and muttered softly, "Welcome."

Pops chuckled and thrust a package into Sesshomaru's chest. "Carry this." He then headed straight for the door.

Sesshomaru stared stupidly at the elegantly wrapped package. The gift card clearly read: To The Bride and Groom. Shaking off his surprise and shock, he scurried after his parents, just beating them to the door.

Izayoi retrieved the package and slid easily inside. Her happy chirp as she was greeted by the familiar faces of the Higurashi clan fluttering back.

Pops eyed Sesshomaru closely, hand disappearing into his breast pocket. It reappeared with a pile of bills that he carefully wound into a tube and slid into his son's pocket. "Thanks for the help, boy."

Sesshomaru peeked at the wad of money and blurted, "This is too much, Fa... uh... Sir." He went to pull the money back, certain he had seen bills marked far to high to be considered anything but charity rather than a tip of gratitude.

Pops caught Sesshomaru's hand and shook his head. "No." His eyes lost some of their sparkle. "You keep it."

Unable to argue, Sesshomaru provided a curt nod and a very formal, very flat, "Thank you, Sir. Enjoy the party." Then turned away to glare at the street, furious he was not only being mocked but his father and step-mother pitied him as well.

A couple appeared from around the corner. Arms linked they strolled casually towards the door. Sesshomaru sighed, his eyes flicking skyward to stare sadly at the unhelpful drizzle. The man released his date's arm and chuckled, "Well, if it isn't..." he coughed roughly. His tomboy date's elbow embedding into his ribcage with practiced precision. "Ah..." he rubbed his neck and grinned, "Good evening."

"Hn." Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed on the man. _Why is the priest here?_ He grit his teeth when he realized the woman was the same girl he'd accused of having a crisis with her sexuality.

She ignored him completely, gliding by and on through the door.

Miroku paused to rummage in his pockets. Forehead wrinkled, he withdrew his wallet and a handful of bills. "Here." He pressed them into Sesshomaru's chest, "This is for you." Before Sesshomaru could hand the bills back the man slid through the door and disappeared in the mingling crowd.

Sesshomaru glanced at the pile, eyebrow lifting. "Hn." He couldn't hide his discomfort though or the certainty that his old acquaintances were mocking him from the safety of the office building's foyer.

Several guests later, including a chattering young woman just out of school. Her doe brown eyes had sparkled in recognition, a childish grin growing on her face as she smiled adoringly up at him. "Why hello." She chirped, her hold on her date tightening.

Sesshomaru sighed a weary, "Good evening, Miss Rin."

She beamed over the fact he had recalled her name, her date smirking impishly from behind his red bangs. "Now," she chided childishly, "Don't you freeze out here, ok?"

"Hn." He glared at the fox yokai when the youth thrust a few dozen bills into his stomach before dashing off with a giggling Rin in tow.

Sesshomaru caught the collection before it could flutter away, guts tightening when a rather loud, jovial cackle slipped through the closing door.

To his increasing horror, people he had met through work, family relations and impromptu matchmaking ceremonies continued to arrive. All of them tipped him, a few giggled at his plight and others smiled with a sense of understanding that set his hackles rising. The most troubling was the old hag, Sesshomaru had once callously called Quasimodo. She had needed his elbow to get to the door from her cab, her body pressed close as she used him for support. She had remained quiet, concentrating on not slipping; however, just before she went inside, she squeezed his hand gently and wished him well.

Sesshomaru had been severely stunned by the good wishes, especially from someone whom he had treated so poorly. In fact, the aged woman before him had only been let off the hook because Mistress Misfit had stumbled into the banquet and distracted him.

He shifted uncomfortably, just remembering it was Mistress Misfit's wedding he was watching the door for. Trying to regain his cool, he glanced down at the boutonniere Mrs. Higurashi had pinned him with and scowled. Curious, he turned, peeking through the window just in time to catch a beautiful, dark haired woman flit about the crowd. His eyebrows lowered, curious who she was because she was truly gorgeous. He eyed her dress, wondering how Kagome would look in such finery.

"AHEM."

Sesshomaru tipped closer to the glass, taking note the girl was speaking to his father and Izayoi.

"AHEM!"

A cold chill tickled Sesshomaru's spine when the woman turned. "It's..."

Snicker, "Sure is." A clawed finger tapped the glass, "That's Mistress Misfit." Snort, "Wench cleans up well, doesn't she?"

Sesshomaru spun around coming face to face with his smug brother. Trying to convey nonchalance, he grumbled a faint, "Evening."  
>Inuyasha snorted, stepping back to eye his sibling with sincere cruelty. "My. My." He purred darkly, hand reaching out to help Kikyo, "How the mighty've fallen."<p>

Sesshomaru's teeth grated against one another, his knuckles popping as he clenched his fists.

Kikyo hooked her arm in her husband's, free hand settling on the now visible swell at her belly. "Good evening, Sesshomaru." She drawled coolly, expression wary.

He mechanically touched his hat, "Evening, Ma'am." Hand tugging the door open, "Please enjoy the party."

She smiled and waddled away.

Inuyasha remained beside his brother, eyes narrowing on the beautiful bride flitting about the crowd. "Should've pulled your head out of your ass and asked her to marry you at that damn banquet," he slanted a teasing glare Sesshomaru's way, "Then all this could've been yours instead of that ratty, little dump you've been shivering in with that ditzy wife of yours."

"Kagome," Sesshomaru hissed, "Is far from ditzy." His spine stiffened, pulling him to his full height, "She is honest, hard working and patient." He fought to keep from snarling, "I am aware I was rude to your bride and I apologize." His eyes dropped to lock on his brother's, "Please do not belittle Kagome as a form of revenge."

Nothing could swipe away the shit eating grin that took control of Inuyasha's face. Fangs glinting in the streetlamp light he barked a rough, "Huh. So roughin' it really has knocked you down a peg." With a sniff, he slipped his hand into his pocket and withdrew a hundred dollar bill. "Here's your tip." Wink, "Thanks for the chat and opening the..."

"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru's voice was low, uncomfortable, "I cannot and will not accept your charity."

"It ain't charity."

"Please," the bill crinkled as his fingers flexed around it, "This is by far too much to give me for simply opening a door. I was not even paying attention."

"Just take it," Inuyasha snarled, pushing Sesshomaru's hand away, "A simple thank you is all that's needed."

Sesshomaru's jaw tensed, lips thinning as he tried to fight his growing embarrassment. His father, the priest, Rin, the hag... everyone had over tipped; not to mention the constant visits he received from Mrs. Higurashi or Mr. Souta to make sure he was warm and comfortable. _Why do they continue to mock me? _He felt his stomach twist and turn when he sensed someone inside watching him, again. _Have I become so wretched in such a short time?_ He swallowed, _Is this why Kagome has never been able to find merit in anything I do because I am truly inept at everything outside business acquisition?_

The door was nudged. Snagging the handle, Sesshomaru wrenched it open and sent the person leaning against it stumbling out. The girl who had caused the door to move yelped in surprise, her eyes wide as she tumbled onto the black mat.  
>Sesshomaru caught her elbow, "Are you harmed, Miss Higurashi?"<p>

"Yeah." She straightened her clothing, a simple green dress, "I'm ok." With a deep breath, she tugged the white sweater she had draped over her shoulders a little tighter, "I wanted to check and make sure you were alright."

"Hn." He did his best to avoid eye contact and did not see her disappointed expression. "I am fine."

"Oh." She twisted her foot on the mat, "Well, then..." peeking over her shoulder she headed back inside, "You've been here all day. I'm sure you'd like a break." Weak smile, "I'll send someone to replace you," she bit her lip, "then you can come in and dance with me."

"No thank you, Miss Higurashi." He turned back towards the street, "My shift is nearly over and my wife will be waiting."

"Oh?" She drummed her fingers on the glass, warm air carrying a whiffs of flowers and good food puffing out, "You can't spare me even one dance?"

"No, Ma'am" He slanted a sideways glance her way, "It would not be appropriate."

"But..." Someone inside had called for her, "Um..." she wavered, "Uh..." She was called again, "If... if you'll excuse me." Just before the door closed, she popped back out, "Please think about it." Smile, "I'd really like to dance with you."

Instead of answering, he feigned spotting another arrival and stepped away from the door into the frigid evening air.

The party picked up, all the guests had arrived, and Sesshomaru's shift had ended. Gratefully, he slunk along the shadowed walls towards the staffroom. There was nothing he wanted more than to leave without further attention. Locker open, he quickly changed his well pressed clothes for the simple jeans and T-shirt Kagome had bought him. He nudged the metal door closed and tugged on his jacket, the pockets overflowing with his evening tips. Unable to help himself, he grinned at the pastry bag one of the cafe workers had filled for him- plans of surprising Kagome with a piece of cake circling in his head. _If I can get her to smile and say she's pleased it will make this hellish night worth.._.

"Excuse me." A familiar voice broke his thoughts.

Unwilling to turn he mumbled a rather formal, "Yes, Miss Higurashi?"

She was quiet for a moment studying his back.

Sesshomaru burrowed deeper into his ratty coat, hoping desperately that she would end this stupid farce of congeniality and let him leave with his tattered pride.

Unfortunately, she wasn't in a benevolent mood. "Mr. Sesshomaru, won't you stay?" She stepped closer, "All the other employees are here and..."

"I'm sorry, Miss Higurashi but I must decline." He took a few more steps away, pleased to note she wasn't following. "Congratulations on your marriage." He pressed deeper into his coat, "Good night." Desperate for freedom, he darted down a hallway and straight for a dimly lit Exit sign. The door burst open into a side alley and clanged closed. Sesshomaru took a greedy lungful and scurried towards the alley's mouth and straight into a pair of guards.

"Sir." One of the men barked, his flashlight beam shining directly in Sesshomaru's eyes. "Come with us, please."

He glared at the bothersome duo.

The guard without a flashlight stepped forward, "Sir." He reached for Sesshomaru's elbow, "This way."

Sesshomaru fought the snarl in his throat, opting to jerk his arm roughly out of the man's hold. "What have I done?"

"Inside," the flashlight man snapped, "It's too cold out here for an interrogation."

"Interrogation?" Sesshomaru hissed, "What have I done?"

The one who touched him curtly responded, "Sir," he took the bag of pastries, "Did you pay for these?"

"No." He blinked, "They were..."

"Then you are being questioned for shoplifting, come with us."

Unwilling to continue arguing in the streets, he did as told. As he followed the pair through the foyer the crowd hushed. Faint murmurs and hushed gasps stinging his ears while the guests' eyes bore holes through his spine. A sigh of relief whooshed free when the office door blocked their curious gazes and pitying commentary.

One guard took his post by the door, the other, older one settling at his desk. He pulled a paper from a file, "Sir, will you empty your pockets?"

Growl, "Why?"

"Because we already caught you with stolen stuff!" The younger of the two shrieked, "And based on the bulges in your pockets you've taken more than just..." he ripped the bag open, glaring stupidly at the piece of cake and dinner rolls. "Good lord," he tossed the bag onto the desk, "dessert."

The other grunted, "Please just return what you have taken."

"But..." Sesshomaru blinked at the man, "I haven't taken anything."

"Then prove it." The guard cooed darkly.

"You've no power to search me."

"What're you hiding," the younger hissed, "Sir?"

Sesshomaru snarled softly, well aware some of the party goers had made their way near the window behind him and were peeking through.

"Nothing," he pulled his hand from his pocket, dropping his tips on the desk. Eyebrow lifting, he glared at the man across the desk. "I just finished my shift and..."

"Shift doing what?" The younger spat. "Where do you work to make that kind of dough?"

"I'm the doorman."

Snort, "Mr. Toutosai watches the door and I know for a fact he's never made that much." The younger man, obviously loving his role as the bad cop, hissed, "How'd you really get that cash?"

"Opening and closing the door." Sesshomaru drawled back.

The young man sniffed, "And one of Miss Higurashi's guests just happened to tip you with," he fingered through the money, exposing the rolled collection of bills Sesshomaru's father had given him, "something like this?" Eyebrow lifting as a smug sneer pulled his lips, he twisted a gold band off and sent it clattering across the table.

The older man nodded. "Hn." He fingered the ring, "Wow. You 'help' the ring bearer through the door too?"  
>"I helped all the guests..."<p>

"Pf... more like helped yourself to all..." he stumbled forward, the door handle smashing into his back.

"Let him go." Snarled from the hallway.

Both guards blinked nervously. The elder clearing his throat and muttering, "But Miss Higurashi, he has stolen from the bakery and look at the amount of money he has!"

"So?" She crossed her arms, toe tapping on the floor.

"So?" The younger guard twirled towards her, "Miss, he took money from your guests."

"No he didn't." The line of her mouth thinned, "And I'm no longer a miss, gentlemen."

"Mi..."

The elder guard cleared his throat, "Ma'am, let us handle this."

Sesshomaru remained still, hoping the nightmare would end and he could leave. A bead of cold sweat trickled down his back when a hand fell upon his shoulder.

Voice cool, Miss Higurashi hissed, "Let him go."

"But..." Eyes wide the young guard flicked his gaze from furious employer to sullen suspect, "But... Miss..."

Unable to take another moment of the farce, Sesshomaru shrugged off Kagome's hand and stood with a furious growl, "I do not need your pity." Money rained onto the table as he pulled the overly generous tips from his pockets by the handful. "There. Now there is no reason to detain me." His lip curled when he glanced at the mangled paper bag and then the familiar ring his mother had once worn, "See that my father gets that ring back." He pointed to the band, then rumbled a dark, "Good evening." With an abrupt twist on his heel he turned towards the door, just catching Miss Higurashi's startled face. She reached for his arm. "Wait, Sessh..."

"Excuse me," ashamed he hissed lowly, "No need to concern yourself further," his fists clenched as he artfully dodged Kagome's fingers, "my wife will not be surprised I have failed at yet another job." Growl, "Now let me go." He hurried his pace, wanting out of the building as fast as possible. A grimace forming when the faint click of Kagome's shoes followed him.

With a rough push, he plowed through the front door, snarling when it was slapped back open. "Sesshomaru!" Kagome scurried closer, "Wait!" She blinked at his spine, "I... I can assure you, your wife's never been disappointed with you."

He froze, spinning angrily back towards her. "A kind sentiment but there is no way you would know that, is there?" His eyes flicked over her shoulder to glare at those watching him through the glass. Teeth tightly clenched, he gritted, "I realize I treated you cruelly and I sincerely apologize." Eyes to the damp walk he mumbled, "I assure you, I have learned my lesson." Gold flicked her way, "Please, Miss Higurashi, allow me to leave."

"But," she crept closer, "But I want you to stay." Timorous smile, "Please?"

"You carry the joke too far." He stepped away from her, "Goodnight."

"Sesshomaru," Kagome doggedly followed him down the walk, "Please!" She took a deep breath, "I... I'm not trying to make fun of..." she yelped, body pitching forward when her toe caught a raised bit of cement.

Sesshomaru winced at the hollow thump and pathetic hiss.

"Ouch." She glanced at the scrape and torn panty hose. "Sesshomaru, wait!" Legs wobbly, she rose on shaking knees. "Please," hissing she swiped her hands on her already ruined dress, "just let me explain."

He planned on leaving her, hoping to use her limp to his advantage but something inside him insisted he turn around. His heart clenching when he heard her sniffle and caught her roughly swiping at her eyes. "Miss Higurashi," he slid his hand below her elbow, "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine." She gave a watery giggle, "Ok. Maybe a little disappointed."

"Why?" His fingers shifted, "I did not take anything I wasn't..."

She wriggled from his hold, spun before him and wrapped her arms tightly around his middle. "Very disappointed." She nuzzled his chest, "Sesshomaru, don't you recognize your own wife?"

"Wha..." He stepped back, eying her closely. "You..."

"Yeah, that's right." She blushed, "I'm Kagome. Kagome Higurashi a.k.a. Mistress Misfit," she glanced away, "I was also the girl that ran over your bike and I'm your wife!" Her bottom lip slid behind her teeth, "I... I can understand if you don't want to be married to me anymore but..." she shivered again, "but I want you to know that I was very proud to be your wife and..." swallow, "You never disappointed me but..." her finger wringing increased, eyes shifting to the street, "but you had to learn you couldn't treat people the way you did."

Slowly, he blinked. Mouth closing as he hastily regained his composure. "Kagome?" He nervously brushed a strand of hair off her cheek, frowning when he felt her shiver. "You're my Kagome?"

Giggle, "You've never called me yours before but if you want me then..."

He glanced back at the building, suddenly desperate to retrieve the ring his father had given him.

She pulled her eyes off his chest, the blues sparkling, "You know, I've loved you from the first time we met?" Again, she shivered.

"When did we meet?" Frown, "I would remember a disheveled mess like you." He shrugged off his coat and draped it over her shoulders.

"Hey!" She tapped her chin with a bandaged finger. "For your information I wasn't messy then." She snuggled into the warm material and grinned, "You probably don't remember because I was assisting my grandfather. You had just started at your father's company." Blush, "You ignored me because," shrug, "I suppose, you assumed I was simply a secretary." She sighed, gaze flitting away  
>His eyebrows began to knit, mind racing to try and snag the fleeting moments when they'd crossed paths.<br>Kagome continued rambling, "It was my idea to do this... this charade." Wince, "Gramps and your dad were afraid you were too self absorbed. That you wouldn't treat me well. They even said you would only marry me to better your position." Her knuckles cracked from her nervous finger knitting, "I... I had to show them they were wrong, that you could change. That you were a good man and a hard worker." She gestured nervously to the milling folks in the foyer of her office building. "They aren't here to mock you. Those 'tips' weren't out of sympathy." Smile, "They're here to congratulate us." She twisted a silver band onto his finger, "You know, since we're married and all."

"Hn." He glared at the piece of metal that symbolized so much.

Feeling brave she slid her hand in his, "Come." Small tug, "Let's get you cleaned up and..."

He let her lead him a few steps back towards the party, only to suddenly freeze.

"Come on." She squeezed his hand, "Honestly, everyone's here to wish us..."

He grinned as he leaned towards her. "Hush." Gently, he pressed his lips to hers, hands sliding around her waist as he deepened the kiss. Forehead against hers, he muttered softly, "It is good to see you are capable of cleaning up, Kagome," he pulled back to peek at her scuffed knee, "I must admit your ability to become so disheveled is also endearing," nose brushing hers, he added with a purr "my Mistress Misfit."

She giggled, "I love you too, my useless husband."

That night one demon learned the importance of humility; two old men discovered that a dog can learn new tricks (if his trainer is patient enough); two guards found out the hard way that Miss Kagome had one hell of a nasty temper- especially when you harass her new husband; a family heirloom was retrieved and placed on a rather dirty girl's finger; a new bride was able to brag about her wonderful husband and let him finally hear it; and finally, one large crowd was able to witness a young couple began their happily ever after.

~The End~


End file.
